Letter to “The Google”

February 4th, 2008

The Head Google Dude
Google
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, C.A.
94043
February 4, 2009

Sir,
Perhaps you have heard of me. My name is Brian Lopez, founder and proprietor of The Iron Tower, a blog located at http://www.theirontower.com/ . I learned recently that “Blogspot”, is a internet company that is in the iron, fascistic grip of The Google. How I came to know google’s ownership of Blogspot was very disturbing.
Support for my blog has been growing exponentially by the day. One young, plucky gentleman, hearing of my vast intelligence, wit, and wisdom, decided to subscribe immediately. So he simply attempted to use his e-mail address. An e-mail address that was acquired years ago. Not so simple. Your blogging site told him he needed a “gmail” account first before gaining a subscription. He told me of this.
After my initial disbelief, I found this to be true. Why someone cannot use any e-mail address is perplexing. So I started to conduct some research on “The Google.” What I have found is a plan for world domination. Here are the facts.

FACT # 1 – The mapping of the planet.
It looks innocent. But without proper maps and charts world domination would be difficult. Your black helicopters and sedans are mapping the planet at an alarming rate. I guess you need to know where everyone lives to put “The Google” chip in our heads. I know your military cartographers remember taking the picture of the drunken Australian Your spies probably just whisked on by, not even offering him an aspirin or “the hair of the dog.”

FACT #2 – If you can’t beat them, buy them.
According to Wikipedia , as of September 2008 “The Google” has bought 54 companies. From internet security companies to Youtube, you own it. There are some very mysterious companies that were gobbled by “The Google”. In example, you purchase of Xunlei, a Chinese “File sharing” company…. Yeah right. The Red Chinese are all about sharing.

Fact # 3 – The Rise of the machines.
Check out this article on Fast Company . The article states you are starting a university so machines can take over the world. “Fittingly, it’s been dubbed Singularity University, after Kurzweil’s much-discussed idea that computers will soon reach a threshold of such great power that they’ll reshape our world.” Oh that is peachy. Now I have to worry about the Cylons or Terminators taking over the world. HEY GOOGLE!!! Just rename your company Skynet and get it over with.

In closing, I realize that this letter is filled with pithy satire. But in all seriousness, can my loyal readers just log on to blog spot with just a regular e-mail account? Please write a response Head Google Dude. You can respond on my blog if you prefer.

Respectfully,

Brian Lopez
The Iron Tower
http://www.theirontower.com/
16 South Ave. West
Suite #220
Cranford, N.J.
07016

6 thoughts on “Letter to “The Google””

  1. Dear Irontower,
    May I first take a moment to say what an intruiging web page you have here.. Being a fellow “blogger” myself, I was absolutly astonished by what I have read here today..
    Eventhough I do consider this page to be full of the rantings of a mad man.. I find myself wanting more and more…. Sincerely Mr. G!

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